Space Pilot 3000 (series 1)

Fry: Wow, a real live robot! Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume?

Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!

Fry: It doesn't look so shiny to me.

Bender: Shinier than yours, meatbag!

Across whole show

Fry: You can't give up hope just because it's hopeless! You gotta hope even more, and cover your ears and go blah blah blah blah blah blah!

Spanish Fry (series 5)

Lrr: Mmmm. This jerked chicken is good. I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked.

Bender: It's used to it. Woooooooo!

Put Your Head on My Shoulder (series 2)

Fry: I'm not a one-woman man.

Leela: I'm sure you'll be back to zero soon enough.

Anthology of Interest I (series 2)

Leela: Are you blackmailing me?

Bender: I prefer to use the word extortion. The 'x' makes it sound cool.

Across whole show

Lrr: I am Lrr. Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

I Second That Emotion (series 2)

Leela: Aw. Poor Nibbler, chipped a fang. [Kisses Nibblers cheek.]

Bender: Hey! I got a busted ass here. I don't see anyone kissing it.

Dr. Zoidberg: Alright, I'm coming.

Across whole show

Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!

Crimes of the Hot (series 5)

Fry: Bender, this world just isn't good enough for you.

Bender: Not even close.

Across whole show

Fry: That's the saltiest thing I ever tasted, and I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

Episode Two: The Series Has Landed (series 1)

Leela: Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

Bender: Well let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.

Fry: Too much work. Let's we burn it and *say* we dumped it in the sewer.

My Three Suns (series 1)

Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?

Spanish Fry (series 5)

Fry: Look. Normally I'm the first guy to toot his own lower horn.

Bender: I'll say. Whooooo!

Fry: But in this case, I just don't think it's going to work.

Bender: That's what she said. Whooooo!

Across whole show

Zapp Brannigan: Brannigan's law is like Brannigan's love - hard and fast.

Mars University (series 2)

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh, I always feared he would run off like this. Why? WHY? WHY didn't I break his legs?

Across whole show

Leela: Oh, God, not Zapp Brannigan.

Dr. Zoidberg: You know Zapp Brannigan?

Leela: Let's just say we've crossed paths.

Bender: Was that before or after you slept with him?

I, Roommate (series 1)

Bender: Fry, of all the friends I've had... you're the first.