Pilot (series 1)

Grace: Jealous?

Will: I don't need your man. I've got George Clooney.

Across whole show

Karen: Anyone homo?

Jack: I am. I am.

Karen: Grace Alden. I'm ashamed...

Grace: Adler. My last name is Adler.

Karen: Oh... That's pretty.

Jack: Welcome to Cynical Island, population: you.

Grace: That's not a complement. A compliment is 'you're sexy', 'you turn me on', not 'one look at you proves I'm a queer'.

Karen: You say potato, I say vodka.

Karen: Sorry I'm late. Oh God, that sounded insincere... I'm late!

Karen: Hey Hey Hey Hey, This is a place of business! We are trying to get some work done in here and we don't need you just barging... wait, I'm saying it and I don't even buy it!

Karen: Oh, coulda shoulda prada!

Karen: It's a victimless crime, like tax evasion or public indecency.

Will: Got a hot date?

Jack: No, but the guy who's dating me does.

Karen: [storming angrily out of the Principal's Office] You dragged me down to this God-forsaken place to tell me my kids made the Honor Roll? Honey, my time is precious, call me when one of them gives birth at the prom!

Karen: [to Will] By your inflection I can tell that you think what you're saying is funny, but... No.

Karen: Good Lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me?

Karen: Gosh, I don't think that I've ever been stressed out. Why would I be? I've got practically no responsibilities, my job's a breeze and I've got a killer rack! Good morning!

Grace: I want to marry..."the one."

Karen: And well you should, honey. How else are you going to get to "the two" and "the three"?

Jack: For your information, most people who meet me do not know that I am gay.

Will: Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay. Dead people know you're gay.

Jack: Grace, when you first met me, did you know I was gay?

Grace: My dog knew.