Across whole show

[Joey spells "Pleh" on the ground with sticks]

Monica Gellar: What's "Pleh"?

Joey Tribbiani: That's "Help" spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air.

Monica Gellar: What's "Doofus" spelled backwards?

Rachel Green: Oh my God, I'm Kip.

Joey Tribianni: You're not Kip.

Rachel Green: Do you even know who Kip is?

Joey Tribianni: Who cares? You're Rachel. Who's Kip?

Chandler Bing: Kip was my old roommate.

Joey Tribianni: Oh, THAT poor bastard.

Joey: You don't know what it's like to put yourself out there like that and just get shot down.

Chandler: I don't know what that's like? Up until I was 25, I thought the only response to "I love you" was "Oh, crap."

The One With the Baby on the Bus (series 2)

Joey: Ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.

Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

The One With Joey's Big Break (series 5)

Joey: [to Ross] Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?

Ross: [Looks disgusted] Dude!

Joey: Oh, sorry, I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.

The One With All The Resolutions (series 5)

Joey: Do you know something?

Rachel: Do you know something?

Joey: I might know something.

Rachel: I might know something too.

Joey: What's the thing you know?

Rachel: Oh no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know.

Joey: I can't tell you what I know.

Rachel: Well then I can't tell you what I know.

Joey: Okay, fine. [Pause.] You don't know!

Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know!

Joey: [gasps] YOU KNOW!!!!

The One With The Nap Partners (series 7)

Rachel: Hi! I just want to apologize. I'm really sorry I was a baby.

Phoebe: That's ridiculous Rachel, we were all babies once.

The One Where Old Yeller Dies (series 2)

Monica: All right, I've got a leg, 3 breasts and a wing.

Chandler: How do you find clothes that fit?

The Last One (1) (series 10)

Phoebe: And then we can teach them to sing and we'll be like the Von Trapp family. Although without the Nazis - no, that sounds kinda dull.

The One with the Monkey (series 1)

Ross: His name's Marcel. My friend Bethel rescued him from a lab.

Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent want to name their child Bethel?

The One With the Holiday Armadillo (series 7)

Ben: Are you for Hanukkah, too? Because I'm part Jewish!

Ross: [Dressed as the "Holiday Armadillo"] You are? Me too!

Monica: Because... armadillos also wandered in the desert?

Ross: You wanna wander in the hall?

The One Where Rosita Dies (series 7)

Joey: What are you doing?

Rachel: Well, I was thinking of moving the couch over here.

Joey: Why would you wanna do that?

Rachel: So that there would be a decent place for me to sit.

Joey: Rach, there is a decent pla...

Rachel: And your lap does not count.

The One With The Tea Leaves (series 8)

Mona: Ross! What are you doing?

Ross: Not touching myself, if that makes anyone less uncomfortable.

The One Where Heckles Dies (series 2)

Rachel: Hey, Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp.

Chandler: Neat. I'm gonna die alone!

Rachel: Okay, you win.

The One With The Jam (series 3)

Chandler: You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance!

Across whole show

Chandler: Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian.

[Everyone stares at him.]

Chandler: Did I just say that out loud?

The One With The Video Tape (series 8)

Ross: Do you have a minute? I'd like to talk to you about something I'm really uncomfortable talking about.

Joey: Sure. How about uh, you showering with your mom?

Ross: I actually had a topic in mind!

The One with All the Poker (series 1)

Ross: Rach, did you proofread these?

Rachel: Uh. yeah, why?

Ross: Uh, nothing, I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent compuper skills.

Rachel: Oh my God. Oh, do you think it's on all of them?

Joey: Oh no. I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few.

Rachel: Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being?

Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive.

Phoebe: Ha, haha.

Monica: What?

Phoebe: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black.

The One with George Stephanopoulos (series 1)

Monica: Hey Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?

Joey: Probably kill myself.

Monica: Excuse me?

Joey: Hey, if little Joey's dead then I've got no reason to live.

Ross: Joey, OM-nipotent.

Joey: You are? Oh Ross, I'm sorry.