Maxwell Smart: If I were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.

Siegfried: If you were from CONTROL, you'd already be dead.

Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.

Shtarker: That actually makes sense.

[Larabee is texting during a briefing.]

Agent 23: Can I see that?

Larabee: Sure.

[Agent 23 breaks the phone.]

Agent 23: That's funny. It lost its signal.

Siegfried: How do I know you're not Control?

Maxwell Smart: If I were Control, you'd already be dead.

Siegfried: If you were Control, you'd already be dead.

Maxwell Smart: Neither of us is dead, so I am obviously not from Control.

Shtarker: That actually makes sense.

Agent 99: Did you see anything while I was dancing?

Maxwell Smart: Just once, but I don't think you expected him to lift you that high.

Maxwell Smart: I think it's only fair to warn you, this facility is surrounded by a highly trained team of 130 black op snipers.

Siegfried: I don't believe you.

Maxwell Smart: Would you believe 2 dozen Delta Force commandos?

Siegfried: No.

Maxwell Smart: How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun?

Larabee: I'll do it sir, I have no problem exposing myself.

Agent 99: Do you ever think before you open your mouth?

Larabee: No, I tend to just whip it out there.

Agent 99: Max has no experience, and I don't want him as my partner.

Maxwell Smart: Well, that is a sucker punch to the gonads.

Agent 99: Are you staring at my butt?

Maxwell Smart: No, no, I...I was, but I'm not...I'm staring again.

Maxwell Smart: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

The Chief: I don't know. Were you thinking "Holy shit, holy shit! A swordfish almost went through my head"? Because if you are, then we're on the same page.