Ms Scarlet: Please don't hate me for trying to shoot you, dear.

Wadsworth: Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a damn.

Wadsworth: You see. It's just like the Mounties. We always get our man.

Mr. Green: Mrs. Peacock was a man?!

Wadsworth: I can explain everything...

Cop: You don't have to.

Wadsworth: I don't?

Cop: No, there's nothing illegal about any of this.

Wadsworth: Are you sure?

Cop: Of course, this is America.

Wadsworth: I see...

Cop: It's a free country, don't you know that?

Wadsworth: I didn't know it was THAT free.

Mr. Green: Who would want to kill the cook?

Miss Scarlet: Dinner wasn't that bad.

Colonel Mustard: How can you make jokes at a time like this?

Miss Scarlet: It's my defense mechanism.

Colonel Mustard: Some defense. You know, if I was the killer I would kill you next.

Miss Scarlet: Oh!?

Colonel Mustard: I said if, if. Hey, come on, there is only one admitted killer here and it is certainly not me, it is her.

Mrs. White: Me? I've admitted nothing.

Colonel Mustard: Well, you've paid the blackmail. How many husbands have you had?

Mrs. White: Mine, or other womens'?

Colonel Mustard: Yours.

Mrs. White: Five.

Colonel Mustard: Five?

Mrs. White: Yes, five. Husbands should be like kleenex; soft, strong and disposable.

Colonel Mustard: You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies.

Mrs. White: Flies are where men are most vulnerable.

Colonel Mustard: Right.

Wadsworth: The game's up, Scarlet. There are no more bullets left in that gun.

Miss Scarlet: Oh come on, you don't think I'm going to fall for that old trick.

Wadsworth: It's not a trick. There was one shot at Mr. Boddy in the study, two at the chandelier, two at the lounge door, and one at the singing telegram.

Miss Scarlet: That's not six.

Wadsworth: One plus two plus two plus one.

Miss Scarlet: Uh-uh. There was only one shot that got the chandelier, so that's one plus two plus ONE plus one.

Wadsworth: Even if you were right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not one plus two plus one plus one.

Miss Scarlet: Okay, fine. One plus two plus one...SHUT UP! Point is, there's one bullet left in this gun, and guess who's going to get it!

Col. Mustard: Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?

Wadsworth: You don't need any help from me, sir.

Col. Mustard: That's right!

Colonel Mustard: Wadsworth, am I right in thinking that there is nobody else in this house?

Wadsworth: Um, no.

Colonel Mustard: Then there is somebody else in the house?

Wadsworth: No, sorry. I said no meaning yes.

Colonel Mustard: No meaning yes? Look, I want a straight answer, is there someone else or isn't there, yes or no?

Wadsworth: Um...no.

Colonel Mustard: No, there is? Or no, there isn't?

Wadsworth: Yes.